V is for Vick-tory

There were a series of explosions on a battlefield outside of Washington DC a couple of nights ago that began at approximately 8:45 PM. The persons responsible were not wearing fatigues, but did have on combat boots that were spewing sparks. And word has it one had a missile launcher attached to his left appendage just under the elbow. The Philadelphia Eagles have obviously stockpiled the weapons of mass destruction that were never found in Iraq.

The targets in this vicious attack were a band of over aged and under motivated terrorists masquerading as an NFL football team. They tried to intimidate our troops before the battle had officially begun, and were spitting mad by the time they offered their meek surrender at the end.

Our Field General recently came out of retirement after a short stint in the brig for conduct unbecoming of an officer. As heinous as his acts were, the brass at the Pentagon located at Broad and Pattison will likely expunge his record and reward him with a hefty pension as long as he keeps his nose clean and continues to mop up the enemy with his blue flame thrower and uncanny maneuverability.

Dare we think our army can conquer the football world? Certainly the city would hold a ticker tape parade and accord them with full military honors if they did. Ask the Washington Redskins (who were aptly named for this game because of the bombs blasting all around them) who the favorites are to offer their constituents and followers a truce after fifty years of war with no significant victory.

This may well be the year that ends the football bloodshed here in Philadelphia.